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Pimmi Hello there from Pimmi and Pati here in the cafeteria of Mordor. Pati You've said that both times in our past messages! Pimmi Its polite to say hello and who it is dear. Pati Well then hello its ME! Pimmi We have had quite a week here Pati Quite. Pimmi Pati has had some misadventures. Pati Oh I knew you were going to bring it up. Pimmi But we have both had good adventures... Pati We have a home! Pimmi Yes we do, actually rooms and things. Apparently lots of people want to move here now. Mordor has become a fashionable address. Lots of young folks coming in and giggling about, looking for "depressed properties" to make into little bungalows. I think they want to vacation here but some want to live here.. Pati Make maggots. Pimmi I am sure they call them babies NOT maggots. Pati I am SO sorry! I thought if that was wrong it would be pupas.. so then I am twice as wrong! Pimmi Twice as many times! Pati Well I don't think that quite works out! Pimmi Yes dear whatever you say.. as I was saying, we have rooms now. The very first choice we wanted- well actually second but when we thought about it after sending in the paper we decided we really wanted the second choice.. Pati ...so since we got the second choice they think they gave us second choice but its our first.. Pimmi ...and we are very happy about that... Pati ...but we can't brag that its our first or else they may make us take our first which we don't want now... Pimmi PATI I do not think they would be that way about it. I think that our first choice may be marked for tearing down or maybe they'll make something nicer. We thought we'd like to be in the big solid rooms in the Main Gate with a view outside of Mordor but its ever so noisy there! A tiny little village has sprung up .. folks waiting to get into Mordor! We always wanted the Witch King of Angmar's main rooms when we thought about it. The ones we liked looked right out over the marble rail down to the Deli serving area! When they were blocked out for domestic residences we jumped on the chance. As you can see both locations are near our other tasty locations, the Main Gate Snack Shack and the Deli itself- those rooms are so nice. Its so quiet during the hot hours! Pati Like the Tomb! Thats what the humans say. They get scared there and don't like the smell or the wailing in the walls when it gets really dark.. Pimmi Yes but all of that is temporary I am sure. I think the King had some kind of spell playing, voices from his past... and after all that time the voices got all- Pati Sppoookkyy! Wobbly wuubblie oooHooHHeerrrggghhhh. But prettier than that! Pimmi I think they meant something once. No one knows anything about him of course. Very secretive but all Kings are. He had the best place in Mordor.. of course he really didn't need it, but I think they all wanted something like a castle to remind them of home, where ever that was. I think he was once nice.. but of course the Eye.. Pati Very fiery and pretty but as you have heard EVIIIL! Pimmi The Dark Lord had everybody doing things we all wonder about now- its like a dream fading. I see our menu books from back then and don't understand much of it anymore. We speak a new language now! Pati We have a funny accent the humans say but tell us we are doing very well! Pimmi We all must move on! Its quite a lot of fun though, I have no complaints.. quite lovely to see a strange color coming into the world. But I don't think our particular shade of dark will fade. Pati Its in the very rocks they say- this very mountain! It colors the air they say! Pimmi Well we'll see - so many things are changing! Pati Yes like us and our home! Pimmi Of course thats the best news- we really just lived here in the cafeteria all the time- over there in the back mostly. And I must strongly remind every species DO NOT FALL ASLEEP IN THE PANTRY! Yes its nice to snuggle in on a cold night and nibble our stores but we almost stewed a tiny poor fellow yesterday- good thing he thought it was a bath! Pati Came back again the next day for another! heehee. Pimmi Hmm! Yes what a cheeky thing he was. Pati I think I might have wanted to give him a scrub if I hadn't lost my taste for it washing gobbies once a week. Pimmi AH yes the goblin baths. Hateful thing it is all those squiggling things to wash.. Pati But its regulations now! Pimmi Yes the humans want them bathed once a week because as you know gobbies get crusted in food and drink and look like candles of all colors have melted all over them. We have trained them to wash up after- well you know.. their relief activities but just having certain spots clean isn't enough... they want the WHOLE gobby cleaned. Little did they know but we soon found out gobbies hate being dunked into pots of warm water! Especially by us. I suppose they heard they were once on the menus here. Pati No one wants to eat them now especially these skinny things! Pimmi But we did solve the problem... Pati Unless we get caught! I don't think the humans or the dwarves would appreciate us.. Pimmi Yes we use the public baths.. but there are no rules against it. They weren't even baths back in the day just a parade ground that has been filled with warm water from the mountain flooding somehow. The humans don't like the smell in rooms but they'll soak a long time in steamy sulfur springs! Pati Its a selling point! Pimmi You don't even know what that means! Pati But they keep saying it down there at the baths so it must mean something. Pimmi We herd the gobbies down to the biggest bath and make them soak in it until the filth comes off. Leaves a sheen of goo in the water but it goes away. It would probably make a good broth but you know they'd never allow that on the list. Very wasteful these humans in the matters of foods and soups and fillers for sausages. Pati Things are so bland compared to the old days. I think. But I am happy now they say. I do smile a lot. Pimmi And that grunting- they call it laughing! You certainly do laugh a lot. Pati From what I've heard. Pimmi So the gobbies line up and hold hands and they all march down with us to the baths- we even get in a few minutes before they muck it up. Then they bob around in there and come out clean, well clean for a goblin. Pati Squeaky! Pimmi Yes they squeak all righty! Pati Squeaky clean I mean! Pimmi You certainly know a lot of these phrases. Pati Sometimes I get a little confused- like Chum.. chum is a nice mixture for soups but its also what humans call friends! When they give someone the boot they aren't talking about boots! Pimmi Don't think too much about it. Pati My head swims.. Oh there is another- how does a head swim! Pimmi I told you - it just gets more and more confusing but thats the way it is! Pati Non-evil language, because we are good now. Pimmi Oh yes I just remembered we met some people the other day- people we thought were gone - Elves! Pati The goodest of the good. But they weren't elves anymore, technically.. Pimmi Yes they had lost their elvish thing, something about long life but they stayed for their own reasons. They were nice to us and told us not to worry. Pati Worry about what I don't know.. Pimmi I think they meant bad things, not to worry about bad things because we were willing to do good things now- they are pretty things aren't they! Pati No one knew mum tho. Pimmi But we never knew her name and thats about the end of that. Try to describe a blonde blue eyed elf to an elf and well those pretty eyes of theirs go blank. They are smarties but not that smart to read orc minds... Pati Don't think they'd want to get mucked up! I think about pies all the time- they'd fall asleep! Pimmi Oh speaking of pies we had some wonderful new deliveries. Some of our menu items now will actually be made of what they said to be made of! Pati Delish.. Pimmi No creativity needed this time. Lots of bird things and those nasty green things humans love and large sea meats and many things. Pati But there is a disturbing aspect! Pimmi Yes a very heinous thing! Pati Ugly! Pimmi The humans built us a room to store the meats in- and its..ugh.. COLD in there! They have some way they can keep it cold- showed us how to tweak it and upkeep it and its oohh so nasty and chilly in there. Pati Yucky!. Pimmi Meats get hard and need to be cooked extra long. Its just such a ruin of good meats to not let it get tender and tangy. Pati Bland! No tasty smell... Pimmi But its the way they like it. They let us have our special stores still so not all hope is lost. Pati Tell about the little man! The sweaty little man! Pimmi Oh yes someone from the Main Gate encampment slipped in and came to us with some kind of proposal to let him have a cafeteria too and supply it with provisions from some kind of company of men called golden arch- well something like that. He brought samples and let me tell you that food was even lower than the earthen meats we serve! So sub-par even the gobbies who nicked some samples got sick. Pati I don't think that meat was even natural.. I think it was wizard science. Pimmi Science yes it was unreal and oh awful. He left but not without bragging that he will one day have a place open on every corner- I told him to try rumbling mountainsides! Pati Nasty little thing! Pimmi So now we have cold meats too, they are easy to slice. We have some nice bones to mash- they make the nicest flour for biscuits! Opps don't tell the humans, they can't tell the difference- so we spare their tummies what their minds would tell them! Pati Lies... their minds make them sick their tummies make them happy! Pimmi Well we love our new rooms and our gobbie bathing is so much easier if no one finds out what we do.. Pati hee hee! Pimmi So a much better week than we hoped for! Press the magic box button Pati!
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