lunch ladies of mordor

Pimmi Darlings we are in the midst of our journey to Mirkwood! I lost track of the time and we will write when we get there! So hard trying to find a place to connect to the magic box! We will write you when we get there on the Sun or Moon day coming up!

Pati Hello! I hate this wagon! So many folks on the move in the world but they still give orcs scaredey lookey-loos! Can't wait to get there!

Pimmi Alrighty we shall be back on the box in a few days and we will be with our lovely friend at the Mirkwood Diner! *snugs*

Oh a horrible picture of us in those Hats! Can't keep poofy hair on the road! See you soon!

I am here to update!!

Hello my darlings! Its just me Pimmi at the moment. We have been on quite an adventure. It was meant to be a simple trip to visit a friend and transport some spiders back to Mirkwood but its become quite a big soiree!

We are now on our way back to Mordor or getting ready to leave at nightfall to lessen the crowds- yes I said crowds! We have become quite the celebrities here! People have never seen Orcish folk before except maybe chopped up burned and dead on battlefields so the Mirkwood Diner has become a veritable hotspot for taking a gander at us little ol' Lunch Ladies. I am tempted to say "ya think they never seen an Orc before!" but its true!

It all began simply when we decided to fix up the floors after the Mordor Community Theater burnt quite a lot of the Cafeteria flooring trying to create a comedy about the Berserker who tries to wrestle a Balrog and they fall in love.. wait that doesn't sound right- WELL it was something like that!

So after the floors were burned in many places, and we had to peel scared gobbies out of the rafters up there, we saw we had to fix the floors. They looked awful!

So some Hobbits visiting, that Flowerbottom introduced us to, were specialists in this field and took on the job. One day soon after they began, they reached the absolute bottom under the floor and - oh my that was the day they ran screaming from the Cafeteria- I don't think anyone will forget that. The Hobbits thought we were under attack and humans and remaining Elves (I still don't know what to call those folks, I suppose they really ARE still elves..) well everybody came and watched as very largish spiders came crawling out. They sat there still with many eyes glittering and everyone stared at each other for a long time no one moving until I said "So how about a bit of lunch for everyone?"

Well some of the humans thought I had just offered them up for a snack to the Spiders and there was all kinds of hand and sword waving and yelling and making big to-do's, and the Spiders sat there silent watching until the folks calmed down and looked at the Spiders again.

So Pati says, "are you going to try and eat everybody or what"- and to everyone's shock the biggest Spider answered in a sweet singsong voice- "Why no we were waiting for an appropriate time to properly introduce ourselves." Well I think some of the human ladies present fainted. Everyone afterward spoke for a long while. They were descended from Mirkwood clans and wished to be reunited. They had never agreed with the evil Spider practises of the Mordor Clans and now that all that fuss was over could someone please point them to the path to Mirkwood.

As you can see they had learned their speech from listening under the floor boards there and had had enough with evil and things and even though it was all over- they wanted to see the "old Country" again. But of course they couldn't just go to a path. They would never make it. So it was decided to transport them back by wagon one day if anyone would take them.

It seemed like the right thing to do. The Cafeteria was closed for repair, we wanted to visit our friend in Mirkwood- so it was all aranged. Simple! So we thought.

A veritable wagon town was what left Mordor that day- a big line of caravans making their way back to distant places- it was all very dramatic. Pati and I were in a train of wagons covered with the entire Mirkwood clan of spiders in its storage areas, they had a spell cast over them to sleep the whole way, and we were told not to tell anyone what we had the Spiders or people might panic. Of course that didn't work out- somehow all along the way people knew what we had and begged for looks and that of course woke them up. Did you know that Spiders are incessant CHATTER boxes? And always the same topics! Webs, how to arrrange and clean the sticky and decorate the non sticky threads, and the best way to eat the maggots in the flies (their favorite part), how to serve them, how to pop them open- eat them one at a time or all at once or just suck them out- taking off the non juicy parts of bugs first or not..!! Then after they are done they seem to forget they already discussed this, so then it goes round again slightly differently worded but always the same thing! They made ME sick!

We had to stop over and over while one scampered out and collected insects for them to eat- we hoped dearly for another wizardly type to come along and put them back under but no such luck. Webs maggots bugs webs maggots bugs webs maggots bugs websmaggotsbugswebsmaggotsbugs- then Bugs maggots webs bugs maggots webs ARRG! They were pleasant creatures don't get me wrong but one would think that something so frightening looking would be at least a smidgen interesting!

Some towns would stop us and demand we take oaths of some sort or another that we were no longer evil and wouldn't eat anyone or pillage anyone's house. We took oaths of all kinds, Pati might be married to one fellow we aren't sure. None of it really matters to us as long as everyone stayed happy and peaceful. Children would come in throngs to point and stare and their mommies would look at us in dark ways until we'd call out, we'd love to collect some tasty meat pie recipes if you don't mind- any specialty you might be proud of! That seemed to be a cal to friendly action thing but then we'd get tomes of recipes that we were to name after the ladies who made them so she could brag she was being eaten in Mordor- well something like that! SO MANY new recipes..

Human children screamed and screamed when the Spiders would pop their many eyed heads out but then the childrens were screaming and smiling at the same time and trying to pet them- so I am not sure what they were thinking. They loved to scream those wee ones! The Spiders were egging them on too I believe, naughty things. They'd wave their legs in the air and get screams and laughter- show fangs and the same effect. Very funny!

That is what it was like the entire time. Stop and start stop and start it felt like. Men would challenge our fellow orcish travelers to arm wrestling matches which I think every Orc let the man win- because then he'd pat their back and laugh and brag and buy them drinks and "apologize" for being the stronger man. If an Orc won the man would get angry and break things and wouldn't stop fussing until they had another match he won.

At one point an Eagle swooped down over us eyeing everyone- we waved- we met him once when Mount Doom blew- thats when we knew we were getting closer to the Lonely Mountain area- and finally one day we saw it!

When we finally got to Mirkwood it was a Mad House! People had been arriving for days to see US arrive. The Spiders were released and people cheered. The Spiders were pledged to only eat insects and flies (their relatives in Mirkwood were forced to take this oath after the War but these Spiders were already doing this- I KNOW its ALL I listened to!) and the Mirkwood Diner had been packed for days. Its been a big party from the start. I know that sounds like fun and it was.. but we were told Mirkwood was serene and relaxing and I suppose it will be now that we are leaving!

Its a beautiful place and I have so many lovely pictures of the trip I will put on the magic box when we get back, but this is a lucky treat this moment here on a borrowed magic box to write you. Mirkwood's magic box capabilities are still quite primative so when I get back I will have many lovely things to show you.

Pati met a fellow and is off somewhere crying over this tragic romantic goodbye but he has promised to come to Mordor- personally I think she loves long romantic teary goobyes and just loves this "oh the sweet sorrow" thing so I think she will be fine. She bought a new outfit just for the goodbye! I hope if he does come to Mordor she'll at least remember his name!

Flowerbottom and Bitsy have been running the Angmar Deli for us and staying at our place in the Palace while we are away. Its lovely of them to do it. They have been in brief touch with us here and apparently the Mordor Comminity Theater has had a few other mishaps and misadventures but managed to pull off a popularly received Drama and Comedy Arts Festival so we'll hear all about that when we get back.

We have so many people who have decided to come to Mordor, they will be setting off with us. We don't have any room in our wagons as they are loaded down with kitchen goodies were got along the way and that are gifts. Many of these folk are on foot and will be walking the whole way as a group! Others are on donkeys and horses and cows and some are entire families pulling wagons with children and goats.

The last two days we spent in front of a large group of travelers telling them what they will need to have to get in to Mordor and they filled out papers right there as we spoke. We made sure we told them all we knew about the paperwork, collected it- and have sent a swift rider before us to get to the Main gate before all of these folks arrive in a massive crowd. I hope it works- then they can go right in with us or soon after. Some are quite nice and we'd like to show them around when we get home.

Well night is falling and the air is cold and its going to be a perfect night to start out. By the time the sun sets the next day the back of the caravan won't even have left Mirkwood thats how big this has become. But folks like the numbers and feel safe- they must laugh about that now- safe around us Orcies!.

OH I see one of the Spiders now, through the trees in the darkness- I think he waved! Now he is gone again. They weren't a bad lot- just horribly dull! Well my alotted time on this borrowed magic box is almost over. We'll be sending folks back to Mirkwood to help our lovely friend get set up so we can stay in touch. I need to go- I miss you all and it will be good to be back home in Mordor! *snugs!*


Lots of fun for the whole family!
Stop by the Cafeteria, say Hello and have a bite!
Check back here weekly on bonemash day for our scribblins!

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