Pimmi Hello we are Pimmi and Pati and we work here in the cafeteria of Mordor.

Pati We run the place.

Pimmi Yes we do but we don't brag.

Pati No not polite. But we do.

Pimmi Yes we do and we take great pride in our work. It was especially hard during wartime, so many dismembered folk around we didn't know who was here for dining or who was being delevered to be dined upon!

Pati Some funny mix-ups though.

Pimmi There were some light moments. We needed a good laugh.

Pati Good soups too.

Pimmi Now that things have changed we decided to take some classes and indulge in a little writing about our adventures.

Pati Imagine, us having adventures!

Pimmi But we are tucked into the background here no one will ever find us.

Pati Unless they get hungry.

Pimmi So we decided to try some of these new inventions the new developers brought with them. They have big plans for Mordor.

Pati So many tourists!

Pimmi Well a little about us, this way when they ask us "now who are you", we can point them here.

Pati Or there, depending on how you look at it.

Pimmi I do know that papa was an orc from way back but he was victim too. It was just the way. I know its the thing to hate them now but some had feelings. They sang lovely songs here at night when they'd stop in for a bite or drop off a beast.

Pati Yes just the way, some would recite verse.

Pimmi The evil lord had all the say, no one could do much of anything against that.

Pati He was the lord, the evil lord.

Pimmi I already said that dear.

Pati I like the way it sounds.

Pimmi We only just learned the word evil so we are wearing it out.

Pati eeeevvviiilll!

Pimmi Mother was a pretty little thing, I saw her once.

Pati Very pretty.

Pimmi An elf maiden.

Pati Golden hair, pretty eyes. Must have been pretty when they were in her head.

Pimmi We were allowed to eat her afterward. That was sweet of them.

Pati Very! They would have just thrown her away.

Pimmi You don't always get that consideration around here but sometimes its nice

Pati Very nice.

Pimmi Oh she wasn't alive or anything like that! We aren't barbarians.

Pati No not at all.

Pimmi We got our looks from her.

Pati Well...

Pimmi Well yes we are twins as you can see- in the eyes it is.

Pati Winky winky!

Pimmi I don't know why I'm taller.

Pati I'm the cute one!

Pimmi You might not like the looks of us but glance around. Here we are considered quite the catch.

Pati Lots of lovin here!

Pimmi Being in charge of the kitchens helps. Everybody likes to eat!

Pati Slops of joy!

Pimmi We take special orders, we can cook, boil, grill, roast, skewer or tenderly age anything.

Pati Anything.

Pimmi When the Witch King threw a party we roasted a whole pacyderm special-like for his minions.

Pati VERY special.

Pimmi We left the heart beating, the eyes even blinked once or twice even with the legs gnawed off. Took weeks to prepare. It was a lovely feast.

Pati From what we heard.

Pimmi I am sure it was. Its not really our crowd though you know. We like simple fare.

Pati Simple folk.

Pimmi None of that high falutin' dressy gang. Just real folk.

Pati Fun times.

Pimmi The drinks they get from the brewery and carry with them so we don't do much liquid other than broths, thin warm spicy broths. Very theraputic!

Pati We have our recipes!

Pimmi Yes we do a special grog every now and then on holidays.. or we did. I sometimes can't believe its all over! Some ingredients are on the "off" list. Its sad but they are the bosses now.

Pati So sad!

Pimmi But we are told this is for the best.

Pati Yes because we were evil.

Pimmi And being evil is bad, so we are told. Of course we want to be good. Its the way now.

Pati Good to be good!

Pimmi So I hope we are doing it right! Nothing much feels different anyway. Just a little colder without the Eye but I don't mind the nip.

Pati Chilly Chilly!

Pimmi We considered how to alter the menu to fit being good but no one had any suggestions.

Pati Nothing at all.

Pimmi Except the "off" list. We have noticed the meats have changed.

Pati Drastically!

Pimmi Fresh and bloody. Its not very appealing. I like a good rot to have formed first, tender and juicy, lovely rainbow sheen. Some of these new meats you can't even smell, not a tear to the eye! That was a sign of quality.

Pati Delish..

Pimmi But if you add enough spice and oil it helps. I can't even tell you what these creatures are. Small and monotoned with fur and soft hides- without scales. Tiny horns if horns at all.

Pimmi But they still eat it.

Pati Yes we are still full up all the time.

Pimmi Same old same old, they look different but still eat the same. Lots of orcs are not evil anymore, dear souls, they try.

Pati Little stumbles here and there...

Pimmi We do have a special store of meats left we are protecting for whatever new holidays will be declared. Oh don't worry they said it was already dead and its not evil anymore but we can't receive any new special stock so you see why we are secretive. So no worries. But it won't last long so you'll need to be first in line.

Pati We have a newsletter.

Pimmi Yes we can let you know when a holiday will be celebrated. We learned reading and writing as we mentioned, something all good folk do so we did it too.

Pati I write poetry.

Pimmi She rhymes anything she gets her mind on.

Pati On bon don lon son

Pimmi Dear it has to mean something, remember what they told you?

Pati It might mean something in one of these languages we hear everyday.

Pimmi What if its racy and one of the lads jumps you?

Pati Ohhh! That would be nice!

Pimmi Silly thing. Well thats all about us for the moment. We will write again soon.

Pati Yes about our adventures.

Pimmi Well I don't know if we'll have adventures- we can try! But we might have some nice recipes. The New Mordor is being built up and thats exciting of course. We are on the list for nice new rooms with a view.

Pati A view of what we don't know.

Pimmi Don't be fussy. Now they told us to push this thing here when we were done.. lets see where this goes....

Our little adode now.. "all good!" Safe- come visit us!
One of our light treats! Bite quick before it bites you!