Pimmi I can't even imagine where to begin!

Pati At the beginning!

Pimmi I know, I know but its a figure of speech.. I am just amazed at our week!

Pati I am still in shock.

Pimmi It started out like any other fun day in Mordor...

Pati Lots of nice dishes served in the evening...

Pimmi When the sun had set an alarm went up!

Pati Shouts Horns! Trolls passing through!

Pimmi Three of them came in, right from the back valleys where the cliffs are steep and only winged things and massive trolls can get past. They were surrounded of course but were actually quite pleasant. Wizard types translated their speech.

Pati A family!

Pimmi There was a little one with them.. whether they were a family or not I don't know, but everyone was ever so much nicer when they thought they were a momma, poppa and baby.

Pati Well.. baby, that was a BIG baby I'll tell you.

Pimmi They wanted to stock up on foods and asked for a flock of sheep!

Pati They were going to pay too, but we don't have sheep here.

Pimmi But we do have a special meat flatbread trolls and orcs love..

Pati But its made with a meat you don't want to know about!

Pimmi Well NO and we don't make that meat flatbread anymore, but because of the Troubles we were stocked up on a lot of it in our special stores for orc foot soldiers in the past.. it lasts a long time but is of modest size and anyone can carry a lot of it.

Pati The trollies were happy enough.

Pimmi Trollies? A new word hmm? They said "thankee" very much and gave us weapons! HUGE clubs with spikes! Then they tramped on their way with an escort of men to make sure they really DID leave the area...

Pati Very pretty really those clubs, in a formerly evil kind of way, well they were made to be evil but were now I guess non evil...

Pimmi In our hands though still dangerous! We chased each other around the cafeteria and people laughed. They are always suprised when we act up!

Pati Tourists love to look at them so they are good for business propped up on the wall.

Pimmi Human men show off to their ladies by holding them up with one hand shaking and sweating and grinning but their ladies smiling and clapping! All the merriment made us not hear the calls for awhile.

Pati Another alarm!

Pimmi Not trolls....

Pati Orcs!

Pimmi Something had happened, some kind of magical spell must have fallen because all sorts of things were wandering back into Mordor without anyone seeing them arrive. Most were just creatures from underground who had been in hiding, and they just took off OUT of Mordor.

Pati These orcs though...

Pimmi The men said they were too ugly to be elves, but too handsome to be orcs, and while I was discussing this with men who had come to ask us for assitance with the language- Pati goes Whoo Hoo!! and RUNS out the door!

Pati Cute Orcs! Of course I was going to run!

Pimmi People thought they were rogue orcs trying to attack Mordor.

Pati But no!

Pimmi They were like us, but different! I could smell it! Part orc from way back but part pure elf! Seemed to be more elf looking.

Pati But ugly elves... imagine that! Thats makes for Hubba Hubba Orc men!

Pimmi You shush.. They had been prisoners here once. We suddenly remembered our old language, it just came back suddenly from inside our heads and we were interpreting for them back and forth, for the yelling humans, the roaring dwarves, and these orc fellows never speaking louder than a murmur.

Pati We heard their whole story after a long while..

Pimmi They were promised by some wizard when he freed them a long time ago, they could come back when Mordor had fallen to break its stones! The spell had kept the tunnel hidden and when whatever the strange spell was that had fallen, it lifted too.. if that makes any sense to you!

Pati So we had to run about stopping them from smashing things!

Pimmi Everybody was yelling!

Pati They were going to get strung up for sure.

Pimmi Then of all people, Bitsy , our friend from Teksass...? who now lives in the cavern with the Tooks..? yes her... she shows up for a special order she had placed for the cavern dinners and has the answer she says!

Pati The answer! People were shocked!

Pimmi It was like the orcs were in a daze, like we were the first few months. We all went to the lower valley- now mind you this is still that same night!

Pati What a night!

Pimmi Something was up we knew it! There in the park near the cavern was the statue, the spooky nazgul statue Bitsy and Flowerbottom had had removed from the cavern. Bitsy says nothing- but points, and the orc crew took their sledge hammers and went at it but good. Oh then she was yippin and yeehawing.

Pati Everybody started to!

Pimmi It seems when they were tortured back in the day, it was THIS nazzie that did it.

Pati Nazzie? hee hee you made up a word too!

Pimmi So they were happy. You shush giggler you!

Pati Nazzie was rubble in no time..

Pimmi And they wanted to throw the bits into the lava of Mount Doom. They said that statue was dangerous, it could manifest and harbor things over time, so the men were like Yes throw it out! Lets go to the mountain! These orcs said why? We can wait for the lava to come to us.. This mystified everyone and they decided to watch these fellows carefully.

Pati Then the ground shook!!

Pimmi Yes that sounds dramatic but we were used to these tremors, Mount Doom was blowing smoke all the time now and jiggling the ground. And this led to the Orcs wandering about asking where is this and where is that.

Pati We were tour guides!

Pimmi And one thing they wanted to know about was the spillways and gaps..

Pati We didn't know what those were but when pointed out to us- I knew! But we didn't know what they were for!

Pimmi So they went about with us saying- clear that! open that! uncover that!

Pati We were telling contractors what to do!

Pimmi The men did it because all these orcs talking to you isn't something you want to argue with right off... People were not happy with us.. and then almost at the most perfectly dramatic moment....

Pati SO dramatic!!

Pimmi When one of the committee members was about to blow..

Pati Something else blew!

Pimmi Mount Doom!

Pati ERUPTED! ka_POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pimmi Not those colorful little dribbles or fire flumes and smoke, but oh my, it was an explosion of ash and goo.......

Pati Lovely but..

Pimmi Humans went running and screaming everywhere!

Pati We were not afraid!

Pimmi And didn't know WHY!!! In this part of Mordor the mountain water streams come right down into the streets when it pours. The lava and ash would follow these for sure.. and follow they did!!

Pati People were panicking !

Pimmi But then the lava hit in a fast running stream of fire, thats what it did- streamed about like melted fire syrup making a roar!

Pati And then-

Pimmi ..disappeared!

Pati ..into the gaps and spillways- then into the ground!!

Pimmi Secret doors opened and channeled the lava to the forges. Folk we knew from the old times ran to them and they were working again!!

Pati Many of our fixtures are lava stone...

Pimmi ..and metal melted by the lava.. even if Sauron was evil he was smart.

Pati Yes he was a smartie alright..

Pimmi To be evil you have to be smart. I think if you are just bad and do bad things to do bad things you are just a criminal.

Pati But not evil!

Pimmi To be truly evil you have to be smart.

Pati And lots of people like you.. If you are just a criminal not many people will like you- you certainly wouldn't be able to have your own dark kingdom.

Pimmi No, if you are evil then probably you have followers and many people love you.

Pati If you are a criminal you'll just end up in a little damp cell alone.

Pimmi Better to be evil I'd say than just a criminal.. that is if you were going to go that way.

Pati Go with style!

Pimmi But what makes me wonder is if they are so smart, why aren't they smart enough to be good? Seems to me no one will want to overthrow you then.

Pati We'll never know.

Pimmi Well that Sauron.. He invented lava proof things molds and machinery.. it was all working again... lava pouring in, people cheering.. We found some poor scared tourists we led out of a holding pit! Right before lava channeled in! When it did it disappeared into gaps that appeared when the heat touched them..

Pati Still some good magic about that wasn't evil...

Pimmi Well its not good either, it just IS. It wouldn't be here if it was "good" and would not still be here if it was "bad" so it just WAS.

Pati Then the ash fell!

Pimmi Oh yes like silver gray snow. And people who had just forgotten they were saved from lava began to complain about ash in their hair!

Pati So we told them to send some to their relatives as a gift from Mordor and.. Oh my!

Pimmi Its like a dinner bell went off around Hobbits who had not eaten in a day!

Pati They all began diving for it putting it into jars and boxes!

Pimmi The wizards too! All these magical looking fellows and ladies started gathering it up! I suppose to do magical kinds of things with it.

Pati Minor scrapes and cuts!

Pimmi Yes they were shoving at one point, wizards zapping people's hands with little shocks keeping them from grabbing nice piles of ash. Most unfair advantage! They have those big sticks too.

Pati Minor burns...

Pimmi Oh and that! Folk were trying to touch the lava and got singed from just getting too close!

Pati Some singed beards too!

Pimmi We were there for several days, staying with Bitsy and Flowerbottom providing food from their kitchens to the clean-up folks and those coming back from trips to the dump to begin some big work in metals. The forge's fires had gone out and would not re-light but now were alive and lively with smithy singing, and lights glowing at all hours, ping pang ponging of hammers on metals.

Pati A nice sound but loud in the middle of the night!

Pimmi But no one complained, they hear the banging and they hear progress! The Men stand there smiling and nodding their heads to the beats!

Pati Well if you hadn't spared that crew of orcs then some of those gaps would have been blocked! And what a mess some places would have been!

Pimmi And you went into the pit to lead those tourists out!

Pati Well you did it too!

Pimmi And you too with saving the orcs!

Pati oh you..

Pimmi Well I don't know.. I guess we did do a good night's work! When we finally got back home what a surprise we had.

Pati Ama.. ama.. what did they call it?

Pimmi Amatuer Theatrics!

Pati Amachur theeatricks...

Pimmi Some of the local folk in our area put on a play. A play about us saving the orcs and saving the people and standing down the mountain as it flowed around us!

Pati A comedy of course!

Pimmi But sweet! A tribute to us and our ongoing contribution to the rehabilitation of our land.

Pati They had a set all built up like a mountain blowing!

Pimmi It was fun and lovely and embarrasing all at once...

Pati But we smiled and loved it!

Pimmi Yes we did!

Pati A bard sang and everything.

Pimmi He was famous for something...

Pati Barding!

Pimmi I don't think its called that, but he was related to some other famous bard who became a king I think.

Pati Hardy Bardy relations!

Pimmi The nice group of creative types who put on the play have decided to stay together and created The Mordor Community Theater. They will write more plays and even musicals, and put them on to entertain folks. We are letting them plan and rehearse in the Cafeteria!

Pati We have so much room.

Pimmi Oh and they may move to the Witch King's palace, of course our home too. There is a nice space there where a theater can go.

Pati Sad...

Pimmi Well not to humans!

Pati Well it was nice sometimes...

Pimmi Yes, what Pati is mumbling about is the voices in the walls have stopped... finally.

Pati The sulfur smell is gone too- all the sulfur springs have been rerouted and flooded the baths for awhile but its evened out now.

Pimmi Quite a week!

Pati Yes quite...

Pimmi So..

Pati What?

Pimmi Well?

Pati Oh yes the magic box button!

Pimmi and Pati *SNUGS!*

In the evening haze Mount Doom acts up...
In the night it lights up!
Lava flows!
Lord of the Eagles shows us it shot out of the clouds so high! Nice fellow that Eagle but those talons.. ohh my!
Folk watch Mount Doom calm back down after all the excitement.. you can see Bitsy's hubby Big Daddy in his funny hat he always wears, over there to the left.
"Mount Doom" erupting, so to speak, during the play in our honor. It shot out dried bread crumbs and oatmeal cereal!
Well it was beyond exciting.. as you can see there are many wonders here in Mordor. Pati is trying to invent some kind of warm orange-colored creamy pudding.. I have no idea what lava should taste like myself, but she seems to think this will be a big hit! Well you can decide for yourself once you come join us in Mordor!